Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Blame Beyonce!

When i first Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) By Beyonce, I thought "Oh Lawd wait til the kidz get there hands on a video camera and this! Well it didn't take long and I have once again felt like youtube is part of some evil force. Although I like the dancing (I aint gonna lie, they were killing it....even the young fiyah cracker....yall know who im talking about) the song is just not doing it for me. Its sorta like Upgrade U....Meh.

I spotted this though the other day over at Fresh's Crunk Spot While watching it, I immediately thought my screen was going to explode into a package of burning Splenda. He was hitting it but seeing that boney upper torso made me wanna give up on ribs altogether (and me loves BBQ).

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

AllTheParties BS

OK so a lot of times people will check out Alltheparties to see pictures of celebrities out just chilling and hanging doing some mingling and what not and that is cool right? NO! Most of the time alltheparties is a place to see mass amounts of pure craziness from REGLA people. Some of the people that they have on here are just screaming "Pick me for the new Valtrex campaign as I have the new mega herpes*". This site (and i don't think its on purpose) is also a breading ground for the unfortunate looking to get "exposure" if you will. Like this picture below, I'm sorry but the girl kind of reminded me of Yoshi from Super Mario Brothers. I would not be surprised if she showed up to the party floating on a Yellow Turtle shell.

Someone should tell her that the Suge Knight choke hold is not whats hot in the picture field! Also, Proactive can do for Lil Buddy's face what Martin and Beyonce did for the people! *Side Eye Beyonce*

What the hell is going on here? I hope they were checking Id's because by the looks of these girls I would not be surprised if this was an R-Kelly "I'm not guilty but my bladder is" party!

What ever happened to going to the club/party looking hot? They couldn't have kicked the tissue out the way before taking this picture? Now that i see the tissue I guess my previous guess about this being an R Kelly party is thrown out since Kells only uses human tissue and is the greatest. (I didn't even believe that one myself)

Anyway i don't think my retinas can take much more of the Designz By Helen Keller outfits some of these people decide to wear so I'm gonna go scrape my eyes and hope I don't accidentally Houston myself!

*Mega Herpes-When your herpes have herpes plus crabs.

The Kang of Young Bull Ish

I'm sure if you're like me you wanted to reach through the T.V (or computer screen) and choke/Touch this little hell raiser named Latarian Milton. He was the one who recently got in trouble for stealing his grandmothers car and going for a joy ride causing mass hysteria in Florida. Latarian didn't see the big deal and just chalked it all up as him wanting to do some "Hoodrat stuff". (His words not mine although i did file that under must use later for something) To add insult to injury this same little Pillsbury dough boy got in trouble again for beating up the same grandma at Wal-Mart for not purchasing some "chicken wangs" he ordered at the snack shop. I don't know how many times I would have went upside this Lil dudes head but I would have made sure that after it was all said and done him looking at anything that resemble the words chicken wings would cause him to have a Mariah Carey glitter inspired breakdown.

Anywho this bad fvcker is going to be appearing on
Judge Judy because grandma finally said enough! I think its really because she was tired of him breaking into local convenience stores stealing Little Debby cakes and blaming it on the dogs or using all of her cans of old bacon grease as a way to slide into the nearest Wendy's trying to make himself a Double Stack or greasing himself up to make a human slip and slide on her brand new carpet all while trying to do some more hood rat stuff.
Grandma just needs to invest in a new brand of belts that does more than just connect leather with ass. This belt should hide food and replace it with pictures of it. Maybe grandma should promise him a free trip to Denny's if he rides his own damn bike to school and quit taking her car. Will good old fashion ass whoopins please show up?! This kid needs a few!

I will not.....

(I will not accept this story into my brain. No way no how! )

"TAMPA - Police say a man named God was arrested near a Tampa church for selling cocaine.Authorities began investigating God Lucky Howard in April, and he was arrested on Saturday. Police say he sold the cocaine to undercover detectives in his neighborhood. When officers searched his home, they reported finding another 22 grams of cocaine and a scale.Jail records show Howard was charged with several counts drug possession and distribution, which include increased charges for being within 1,000 feet of a church, a school and public housing.He was being held on a bond of $86,500." (Source-Dailyhaha)

Why did I turn on the news this morning and hear "God busted for selling crack". I will not tell you how many different facial expressions I went through before i finally said what the hell?! All of that quickly went away when I finally saw this clowns picture.

I know My Brother And Me only got maybe 2 seasons worth of air time back in the day, but i didn't think Goo was that hard up for some cash. I mean he did invent Goo Punch and even had a rap about it so whats with this? I can only assume he recently was let go from his job as being a crossing guard for the local elementary school because the kids got tired of him saying "Come with me my children for I am God and will lead you to safety which is the other side of the street and away from passing motorists". He may have also lost credibility with a few when he turned his back to make that crack deal and caused some child to get hit. All of these are possibilities I'm coming up with as to why this navy black character would get photo'd wearing that "Don't cha wanta Orange Fanta" shirt!

Word to the wise pimpin if you wanna start playing God you got a few more months until Halloween and I'm sure the talk of the town is going to be if you will be able to use your heavenly powers to escape that jail cell. Good luck chump!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Jesus Wept

I was sent this little interesting clip and thought i would share the hurt.


While i'm a proud member of "Team Chunk" this here....has got my eyes jumping around like Amy Winehouse locked in an evidence locker filled to the roof with some snow.


Bat Shit Crazy

Khia.....what can be said about this chick that hasn't already been said about a Monday thong worn since last Sunday? That face you making is the same one i make whenever i see her on anything. Only two words come to mind when i hear her name....

I mean how can someone who was once on the radio with a hit song (even though it was nasty as hell) go to a show called Miss Rap Supreme* and still get voted off the very first episode? (well later that night)I mean that's got to be a slap in the ole dusty mug if i may say so myself. Just sad. Moving along Khia recently exchanged a few heated words with a DJ and some callers when they tried to let her know that she was not the female Tupac.

I think cutting her mic off is not enough but they should have cut her vocal chords off. I think this girl is beyond delirious she lives in her own world where Lil Wayne is the President and there are clones of his peen on every corner. I will say that i give Khia 2 daps from very far away from introducing "Nut Bucket Bitch" to me. Other than that Khia needs more people and not those few callers that seems to think Khia is da bessssss!

The World Is Coming To A End.....

This is what i thought when i got the following link from a few of my Crunk Heathens about a month ago.

Lil Wayne answers your sex questions

*Cue RLY WTF?! image*

I didn't even begin to know where to begin on what was so wrong with this concept. Even though this dude looks like he gets a sexual charge if the words battery acid and grape jelly is mentioned these delirious fools were really asking this dude "SEX QUESTIONS". I just cant and refuse to believe there are people that hung up where they cant go to someone else. I mean watching a dog hump a rim would be better than taking any advice this dude has to offer. If its not a question on how one manages to walk around freely in the rain without protective gear and not turn into a hot steamy pile of motor oil then i don't wanna hear it. When myself and the other Crunk Peeps got a hold of this we had a few questions of our own to ask Weezy Weeze. Around page 44 things start to go a little......left if you will. Some of the questions that were asked were:

PootieSLS Says:

May 7th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Is it a sin to have mirrors in your house?

What type of incents do you use? I heard that Gorilla Mist was a new scent that was being endorsed by you!

Are you and baby planning on releasing some of your “Backyard knucking and bucking oiled up mud naked wrestling” games?

POW POW The Body Says:

May 7th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
is it true that you and Baby have his and his Valtrex prescription tattoos?

moto Says:

May 7th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
when you and superhead had sex, do your STDs fight it out like old west style? or more battlestar galatica style?

Moto ripped through my chest like a butter knife with that one!
(I would like to point out that even though the name on some of those questions bares the name "Pootie Scrawberry Life Saver of PootiesSLS" this is not me. *Adjusts Halo* )

All B.S aside though, this was a real question asked by one of his "fans":

apple tree Says: May 7th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
why is it that men always try to sneak in the back door and why do they think that women like a pinky in/on/ or around the brown eye ?
Its bull $+(_

And on that note I'm going to go bleach my brain!